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"The End Justifies the Saddle: Machiavelli Discovers Egypt's New Political Theory"

 Satirical Title for International Publication "The End Justifies the Saddle: Machiavelli Discovers Egypt's New Political Theory" Alternative titles: · "From 'The End Justifies the Means' to 'The End Justifies the Saddle': A Lesson from Egypt" · "His Excellency the Prime Minister and the Sacrificial Saddle: How Dictatorships Rule" · "The Saddle Theory: Why Egypt Has Out-Machiavellied Machiavelli" --- English Translation of the Satirical Text (Note: The text is unnumbered. I refer to it here as "The Saddle Theory.") The great Italian thinker and politician Nicol Machiavelli, at the conclusion of his visit to Egypt and his meetings with both the President and the Doctor [the Prime Minister], declared that after long reflection on current Egyptian politics and deep thought, he had reached the conclusion that Egypt, under its current political system, had innovated and gifted to the world a new political theory surpassin...
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“Now Hiring: 150 Electronic Thugs—Must Have 3 Years’ Experience in Lying, Cursing, and Reversing Facts”

 English Translation of the Satirical Text A Golden Opportunity for Immediate Employment The Long Live Egypt Foundation for Social Media Services announces its need for 150 "electronic thugs" to work as first-class specialized electronic committees, from holders of higher qualifications (males and females) with practical courses in replying to the enemies of the homeland, with proficiency in the curricula of reversing facts, mixing papers, and erasing alphabets. Conditions: · 3 years' experience in the arts of lying, insulting, cursing, and drumming on social media. · Having obtained scientific and practical courses in replying to the enemies of the homeland, with proficiency in the curricula of reversing facts, mixing papers, and erasing alphabets. · Thick skin, shamelessness, coldness, and shameless audacity. Benefits: · Generous salaries + bonuses + overtime. · Opportunities for promotion to party, parliamentary, and political positions for the outstanding. · Private h...
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“The Brass Coup: How General Hasaballah the Sixteenth Overthrew the Diamond Band and Banned Circumcision Parties Without a License”

“The Brass Coup: How General Hasaballah the Sixteenth Overthrew the Diamond Band and Banned Circumcision Parties Without a License,," · “Musical Chairs, Military Style: The Coup That Toppled Egypt’s Greatest Bandleader” · “From Mohamed Ali Street to the Brass Revolutionary Command Council: A Satire of Military Coups” · “The General, the Maestro, and the Sextet: Egypt’s Musical Coup D’état” · “When the Army Stormed the Orchestra: A Satirical Account of Egypt’s Latest Coup” English Translation of the Satirical Text Breaking News General Hasaballah the Sixteenth and the troops of his brass marching band on Mohamed Ali Street have seized the headquarters of the Diamond Band and deposed its leader, Ahmed Fouad Hassan, after a fierce battle that raged in the square overlooking the headquarters and on the building's staircases. The battle lasted five full hours and ended with the storming of the apartment, the seizure and confiscation of the musical instrument storeroom, the arrest o...
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· “Omar ibn al-Khattab and Khalid ibn al-Walid Sail Again: A Satirical Geopolitical Fantasy”

 English Translation of the Satirical Text Breaking News A coalition of Turkish, Pakistani, and Afghan forces is marching toward Rome from the east after crossing central Italy, breaching NATO’s defense lines, and crushing Euro-American forces. Simultaneously, Egyptian, Levantine, and Maghrebi military fleets are moving across the Mediterranean toward the island of Sicily. Reports indicate that the Pope has fled the Vatican. Informed sources at the Emirate’s headquarters said that the Consultative Council of the Islamic States in Europe will meet tomorrow in Naples, in the presence of the Emir of the State, to discuss the strategy for the upcoming conquests in Western Europe—whose military and economic powers collapsed after the last third world war—and to prepare for confronting the new German-French-British axis that has begun to form after the conquest of Italy. The Council will also discuss the mechanism for returning Jewish Israeli refugees in the Levant to their countries of ...
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“Operation Antarctica: Egypt’s Aircraft Carrier, the Debt Crisis, and the Treasure That Doesn’t Exist”

 English Translation of the Satirical Text Top Secret President Sisi has assigned Vice Admiral Fahmy Abu El-Azzayem to prepare a geological expedition, led by the Admiral himself, heading to the South Pole. The President has learned that enormous mineral wealth lies beneath the ice of Antarctica—wealth that no one owns or claims. Accordingly, the President instructed Abu El-Azzayem to coordinate with the Minister of Defense to borrow the helicopter carrier Mistral with its crew for this historic operation, and to enlist the help of geological experts and a large number of experienced personnel for drilling, excavation, hauling, and storage—in addition to elements from Ibrahim El-Araj’s strongmen and a select group of Hanafy Takhtoukh’s professionals. This is to confront Indian Ocean and Atlantic pirates if they try to prevent them from extracting the largest possible quantity of precious metals, or if they impose royalties, or attempt to loot this great spoils during their return t...
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“The Nuclear Football vs. the $10 Transistor Radio: How Trump Lost the Codes and Found a New Toy

  "Trump Solves Nuclear Security Crisis With $10 Street Vendor Purchase" "The Nuclear Football: From Top-Secret Briefcase to Sidewalk Radio" "CIA Searches for Nuclear Button — Trump Checks Under His Bed" Breaking News / Top Secret US intelligence agencies, CIA, and Federal Bureau of Investigation are conducting frantic searches for the nuclear football — the briefcase that never leaves President Donald Trump's side, day or night — which was stolen from him while he was engaged in a heated altercation with Democratic members of Congress over his policies. A state of maximum emergency has been declared across all American military bases worldwide. In a breaking bulletin issued by global news agencies moments ago, an unknown organization calling itself "Guardians of Truth" has claimed responsibility for stealing the nuclear football from Trump during his argument with Democratic members of Congress over the upcoming midterm elections. The organi...
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The Missing Nuclear Button Briefcase… When the Fate of the World Becomes Hostage to a President’s Absurdity

  The Missing Nuclear Button Briefcase… When the Fate of the World Becomes Hostage to a President’s Absurdity URGENT / In a colossal catastrophe threatening life on the planet, the CIA, the U.S. military, and the FBI are conducting frantic efforts to find the nuclear button suitcase that never leaves President Trump awake or asleep, which was stolen from him while he was engrossed in a loud altercation with a number of Democratic Party members of Congress rejecting his policies. A state of maximum emergency has been declared at all U.S. military bases around the world. In breaking news broadcast by international news agencies seconds ago, an unknown organization called "Guardians of Truth" claimed responsibility for stealing the nuclear button suitcase from Trump during his quarrel with Democratic Party members over the upcoming congressional midterm elections. In a statement broadcast on a website minutes ago, the organization demanded the entry of food and humanitarian aid ...
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