elnadim-satire

 “From a Tin Awning to the Arab League: Shiblenga Discovers the Secret of Arab Unity” English Translation Shiblenga Mayor Nominates His Foreign Minister for Secretary-General of the Arab League After Successfully Settling a Dispute Over a Tin Awning Hajj Abd al-Shakour Abd al-Dayem, the mayor of Shiblenga, Qalyubia, announced that he had decided to nominate Shiblenga’s Foreign Minister, Ambassador Rushdy al-Tantawi, for the post of Secretary-General of the Arab League after the end of the term of the current Secretary-General, Ahmed Aboul Gheit. The mayor made the announcement after concluding a traditional village reconciliation session between Usta Abouda Misbah, owner of a metalworking and machining workshop, and the al-Deeb family, who had refused to pay the remainder of Usta Abouda’s fee for installing a corrugated-metal awning over the family’s summer reception room. Hajj Abd al-Shakour declared that Shiblenga was best qualified to shoulder the burdens of this difficult perio...

 Here is the comprehensive English translation and professional analysis for the international reader, complete with a sarcastic, scathing headline for your English blog. --- Sarcastic Headline (for your English Blog) *"MP Proposes Aid for the Poor – But Requires Signatures from High-Level Officials the Poor Will Never Reach" * --- Full English Translation MP Awwad Al-Huwait submitted a proposal to the Parliament's Committee on Proposals and Complaints, suggesting that the state provide cash amounts of no less than 10,000 Egyptian pounds, along with in-kind support (food and clothing), to poor citizens during religious seasons and national holidays – including Eid al-Fitr, Eid al-Adha, the beginning of Ramadan, the Prophet's Birthday, the start of the school year, and the summer holiday season after exams – without being bound by the bureaucracy and complexities of the "Takaful and Karama" program. He proposed that these cash and in-kind subsidies be disburs...

 Here is the comprehensive English translation and professional analysis for the international reader, complete with a sarcastic, scathing headline for your English blog. --- Sarcastic Headline (for your English Blog) *"Egypt Sends 500 Garbage Collectors to Europe for Training – Because Sweeping Streets Is Too Complex for Egyptians" * --- Full English Translation Major General Hassan Al-Dalangawi, Minister of Local Development, has announced that the ministry is currently preparing a comprehensive and integrated plan to restore cleanliness to Egyptian streets, recover the civilized appearance of our cities, and revive the values of progress, sophistication, and the manifestations of a dignified life that our people have long missed. In a revolutionary step to achieve these hopes and ambitions, the ministry has decided to send foreign training and qualification missions to European, Asian, and African countries for street cleaners, supervisors, and administrative staff in loca...

 Here is the comprehensive English translation and professional analysis for the international reader, complete with a sarcastic, scathing headline for your English blog. --- Sarcastic Headline (for your English Blog) *"Egypt's Master Plan for the Nile Dam: Suicide Plumbers and an Underground Tunnel – The Madman Returns" * --- Full English Translation Mr. Hindi Samaka Abu Laban, head of the "Egypt Crown of the Galaxy" Party, has announced that he has developed revolutionary solutions to solve the problem of the Ethiopian Renaissance Dam once and for all. He claims these solutions are his own original ideas – from outside the realms of humans and jinn – after deep thought, research, investigation, study, and consultation with the party's experts in water, dams, and hydraulics. Mr. Abu Laban stated that he has sent a secret letter to President El-Sisi containing the details of these solutions and the steps needed to begin implementation immediately. He has als...

 Here is the comprehensive English translation and professional analysis for the international reader, complete with a sarcastic, scathing headline for your English blog. --- Sarcastic Headline (for your English Blog) *"Egypt 2050: Mass Protests Over a Grain of Sand – The Deposed Military Regime's Failure Haunts the Nation" * --- Full English Translation Egypt, Year 2050 – Mass protests have erupted in Cairo, Alexandria, and all provincial capitals under the slogan: "We will not give up a single grain of our sand." The protests, responding to calls from the Egyptian opposition, include massive numbers from the army, police, Central Security forces, Al-Azhar sheikhs, and the judiciary – all united in the demand to recover a single grain of sand that Israel seized from Sinai during its 1967 occupation, refused to return after its 1982 withdrawal, and has withheld even after the international court ruling that returned Taba to Egypt. All Egyptian-Israeli negotiatio...

 Comprehensive Analysis: "Shablanga Rejects the Mecca Alliance and Affirms Its Loyalty to the Shablanga-China-Russia Axis" --- Sarcastic Headline (for your English Blog) *"Village Chief Rejects Global Alliance, Praises His Own Axis—At a Wheat Harvest Festival" * --- Full English Translation Hajj Abdel Shakour Abdel Dayem, the Village Chief (Omda) of Shablanga, Qalyubia, announced in a massive public speech on the occasion of the annual Wheat Harvest Festival, held at the Great Southern Barn, that he had rejected a Turkish-Saudi offer for Shablanga to join the "Mecca Tripartite Alliance." The reason, he said, was the close relations of these countries with the United States, their strategic immersion in the American military system, and the complete subservience of one of them to US policy—as well as its economic support for Washington by directing all its natural resources and financial capabilities to American banks. The Omda affirmed that Shablanga is a ...