A New "Abrahamic Faith"? Abu Dhabi Conference Aims to Launch Unified Religion for Middle East

 A New "Abrahamic Faith"? Abu Dhabi Conference Aims to Launch Unified Religion for Middle East


ABU DHABI – The inaugural foundational conference is convening in Abu Dhabi to prepare for the launch of a call to embrace a new "Abrahamic Religion" for the peoples of the Middle East. The conference aims to codify its rules, innovate its pillars and rituals, and propose its sublime message.


The event features a large number of participants, including Muslim scholars of authority, Christian patriarchs, and Jewish rabbis, all operating under the supervision of the U.S. Envoy to the region.


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🔍 In-Depth Analysis for International Readers


This text is a sophisticated and provocative piece of political and religious satire that critiques contemporary geopolitical engineering and interfaith dialogue initiatives in the Middle East. For an international audience, it functions as a sharp allegory rather than a report on a real event.


1. The Satire of "Top-Down" Faith Engineering:

The core of the satire lies in the concept of a religion being created by committee.The notions to "codify its rules, innovate its pillars and rituals, and propose its sublime message" are presented as bureaucratic tasks, similar to drafting a political constitution or a corporate policy. This brilliantly satirizes a perceived modern tendency to approach deep-seated, historical, and organic faith traditions as problems to be "solved" through technical, elite-driven projects. It mocks the idea that centuries of theological divergence and conflict can be resolved in a conference hall.


2. The "Abrahamic Religion" as a Geopolitical Metaphor:

The choice of a unified"Abrahamic Religion" is highly significant. It directly references the "Abraham Accords," the normalization agreements between Israel and several Arab nations, which were heavily promoted by the previous U.S. administration. The satire suggests that the next logical, and absurd, step in this U.S.-brokered process is not just political and economic alignment, but the erasure of distinct religious identities to create a seamless, conflict-free geopolitical bloc. The religion becomes a metaphor for a new regional order designed for political stability rather than spiritual truth.


3. The Cast of Characters and Their Symbolism:


· "Muslim scholars of authority": This likely satirizes state-appointed religious figures in the Gulf whose rulings often align with government policy. Their participation implies a top-down, sanctioned religious dialogue, contrasting with broader, more diverse Islamic scholarly traditions.

· "Christian patriarchs and Jewish rabbis": Their inclusion completes the trifecta, representing an interfaith effort. However, the satire points to the potential co-opting of religious leadership for a political project.

· "U.S. Envoy to the region": This is the masterstroke of the satire. The explicit statement that the event is "under the supervision of the U.S. Envoy" paints a picture of the United States not as a neutral mediator, but as the ultimate stage manager and director of a new regional identity. It critiques the immense, and to some, overbearing, influence of American foreign policy in reshaping the Middle East, questioning whether such profound cultural and religious initiatives can be authentically driven by external powers.


4. Context and Resonance in the Middle East:

This piece emerges from a specific regional context where:


· Rapid Social Change: Nations like the UAE are pioneering rapid modernization and social re-engineering projects.

· Geopolitical Realignments: The ongoing normalization with Israel remains a deeply controversial and divisive issue among the Arab public.

· Skepticism of Official Narratives: There is widespread public cynicism towards government-sponsored initiatives and "official" religious discourse that appears to serve a political agenda.


The satire captures the anxiety that national and religious identities are being negotiated and redesigned in closed-door meetings between elites and foreign powers, without the genuine consent or participation of the people who live those identities.


5. Global Literary and Satirical Context:

This text stands in the tradition of:


· George Orwell's 1984: In its depiction of institutionalized, synthetic realities imposed from above.

· Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal": In its use of a calmly delivered, absurdly radical idea to critique current policy and social engineering.

· Voltaire's Candide: In its mockery of blind optimism and top-down philosophical solutions to human problems.


Conclusion for International Observers:


For a global audience, this is not a news report about a real interfaith conference. It is a profoundly creative and critical work of political commentary. It uses the outrageous premise of inventing a new religion to articulate a very real and widely held concern: that the fundamental textures of cultural and spiritual life in the Middle East are being systematically reshaped by a combination of authoritarian governments and hegemonic foreign powers in the name of peace and stability. The satire's power lies in its ability to express this complex geopolitical critique through a single, unforgettable, and brilliantly absurd image.

👇

📰 Satirical Headline (for international readers):

“Abu Dhabi Hosts Founding Conference of the ‘Abrahamic Religion, Inc.’”

(A New Faith for a New Middle East — Under American Supervision)

🇬🇧 Full English Version (for International Publication):

Classified Bulletin No. 712 — Abu Dhabi.
The inaugural Founding Conference is being held in Abu Dhabi to lay the groundwork for the official launch of the new “Abrahamic Religion” — a unified faith for the peoples of the Middle East.

The conference aims to codify its principles, invent its rituals, and draft its sacred message of universal harmony and tolerance.

A large number of state-approved Muslim scholars, Christian patriarchs, and Jewish rabbis are attending — all under the supervision of the U.S. envoy to the region, who is expected to oversee the theological, diplomatic, and branding aspects of the new religion.

🧭 Satirical Commentary and Analysis:

This piece uses the tone of official religious announcement to parody a geopolitical trend: the instrumentalization of faith in service of political normalization and soft power.

The so-called “Abrahamic Religion”—a concept sometimes promoted in interfaith diplomacy—is here exaggerated into a corporate-style merger of religions, complete with “founding conferences,” “codified rituals,” and “American supervision.”

Through irony and bureaucratic diction, the text exposes:

  • How religious diversity is being reframed as political choreography,
  • How “unity” can serve as a mask for strategic control,
  • And how religion is rebranded as an exportable product for a managed Middle East.

The humor lies in the bureaucratic absurdity of “founding a religion by committee,” where ancient revelations are replaced by PowerPoint slides and diplomatic photo-ops.

It’s not a mockery of faith, but of those who market faith — turning spirituality into state-sponsored propaganda for political agendas disguised as divine harmony.

elnadim satire


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