New Graduation Requirement for Egyptian Officers: A "Very Human" Grade in Practical Humanity

 Of course. This is a brilliant piece of satire that critiques the culture of state security institutions through the lens of educational reform. Here is the translation, a suitable title, and a full analysis for an international audience.

🎭 Publication-Ready Satirical Translation

 New Graduation Requirement for Egyptian Officers: A "Very Human" Grade in Practical Humanity

Cairo / A decisive academic reform has been issued, mandating that starting this academic year, a course in "Mercy" will be added to the curriculum of all military colleges and the Police Academy.

Furthermore, the subject of "Humanity" is to be studied as a practical, applied science. The graduation project for every cadet will involve completing training courses at independent human rights and psychological rehabilitation centers.

A core requirement for any cadet to graduate and assume their duties is to obtain a final grade of "Very Human."

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🔍 Analysis for the International Reader

This text is a sharp and sophisticated satire that uses the format of an educational decree to critique the perceived ideological and ethical foundations of Egypt's most powerful institutions: the military and the police.

· The Core Satirical Juxtaposition: The entire piece is built on the absurd contrast between the stated subjects ("Mercy," "Humanity") and the institutions where they are to be taught. The security apparatus in Egypt has long been criticized by international human rights organizations for systematic abuses, including extrajudicial killings, enforced disappearances, and torture. By proposing that these very institutions formally teach "mercy," the satire highlights a profound gap between the state's rhetoric and its practices.

· The "Practical" Study of Humanity: The text's call for "Humanity" to be studied as a practical subject is deeply ironic. It suggests that empathy and human dignity are not inherent values but technical skills to be learned, like operating a vehicle. This mocks a perceived institutional dehumanization, implying that cadets must be trained to see citizens as human beings.

· The "Independent" Human Rights Centers: This is perhaps the most biting part of the joke. Genuinely independent human rights organizations in Egypt, such as the Egyptian Initiative for Personal Rights (EIPR), have faced severe crackdowns, including asset freezes, travel bans, and imprisonment of staff. The state has often accused them of receiving foreign funding to undermine national security. The idea of the state sending its future officers to be trained by these very organizations is a fantastical impossibility, underscoring the government's hostility toward independent civil society.

· The Grading System: "Very Human": The ultimate satirical goal is the grade of "Very Human" (Insān Giddan). This is not a real academic grade but a powerful moral judgment. It reduces the complex, lifelong quality of human decency to a bureaucratic checkbox. The joke is that an institution associated with brutality would presume to certify someone's fundamental humanity as a graduation requirement. It implies that the current system produces graduates who are, by contrast, something else.

💡 The Satire in a Nutshell

This piece is not a genuine proposal for reform. It is a cynical and witty commentary suggesting that the problem with the security sector is not a lack of formal training in "humanity," but a deeply embedded institutional culture that operates contrary to those principles. The author argues that true reform would require a fundamental ideological shift—symbolized by sending cadets to independent watchdogs—which the current power structure would never allow.

By presenting this impossible scenario as a simple bureaucratic directive, the satire powerfully exposes the chasm between the state's self-image and the reality experienced by its citizens.