🇺🇸🇮🇱 “The United AmerIsraeli Corporation Unveils Its New Middle East Peace-and-War Subscription Packages”


🌍 International Satirical Edition — Translation & Analysis

English Translation

“Seasonal Mega Offer”

The United American–Israeli Corporation is pleased to announce the launch of its newest packages and service bundles, now available for clients across the Middle East, Southeast Asia, and South America:

  1. Partial Peace – 6-month warranty
  2. Extended Peace – 10-year warranty
  3. Full Long-Term Peace – includes royal-throne protection (annual milking required)
  4. Limited War – one-year duration
  5. Regional Expansion War
  6. Major Global War

Note: Middle East packages are negotiated exclusively at our UAE branch — Burj Khalifa.

International Analytical Commentary (for publication)

⭐ 1. Satire Target: The Political Marketplace

النص يقدّم السلام والحرب كسلع تجارية تُباع وتُشترى، فى نقد مباشر لفكرة أن القرارات المصيرية فى المنطقة تُصنع خارجها وكأنها مجرد “باقات اشتراك”.

This framing exposes the commodification of geopolitics — turning war and peace into marketable products sold by global powers.

⭐ 2. Layers of Irony

  • “Warranty” for السلام يقدم صورة جذرية عن هشاشة هذه الهدنات التي تنتهي صلاحيتها مثل الأجهزة الكهربائية.
  • “حماية العروش” تقدم نقداً لصفقات حماية الأنظمة مقابل الولاء السياسي والاقتصادي.
  • “يتم الحلب سنوياً” تكشف علاقة التبعية المالية والعسكرية.

These metaphors highlight the client–patron dependency model shaping Middle Eastern politics.

⭐ 3. Global Resonance

The satire deliberately expands إلى آسيا وأمريكا الجنوبية لإظهار أن آليات القوة واحدة:
نفس الشركات، نفس المنتجات، نفس الشروط… مع اختلاف أسماء الزبائن فقط.

This allows international readers to connect the satire to global patterns of intervention and arms-trade politics.

⭐ 4. Use of Corporate Language

تحويل الحروب إلى “باقات” و“عروض موسم” يفضح:

  • ترويج القوى الكبرى لفوضى مدروسة
  • تسليع الأمن الإقليمي
  • تحويل مصائر الشعوب إلى مشروع “بزنس” قابل للفوترة

The corporate tone is intentionally cold and neutral — a sharp contrast with the catastrophic consequences of these “products”.

⭐ 5. Satirical Message for the Global Reader

This piece positions the Middle East as a showroom, and global powers as vendors, while local regimes appear as repeat customers buying stability on credit.

The satire here functions as geopolitical criticism wrapped in commercial absurdity.

✅ جاهز للنشر الدولى


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