The Return of the Strongman from History: Satirizing the Fantasy of Instant Salvation Introduction: When the Past Is Recruited to Fix the Present

 

Comprehensive Analysis: "Sisi Dismisses Madbouly, Appoints Badr al-Din al-Jamali – The 'Ministry of the Impossible'"

When a Fatimid-Era Savior Returns to Solve Egypt's Crises: The Ultimate Satire of Desperate Hopes

A Satirical Text by Al-Nadim Al-Raqmi (The Digital Nadim)

---

Full English Translation

---

URGENT /

Sisi dismisses Mostafa Madbouly and sacks the government, appointing Mr. Badr al-Din al-Jamali to form the new cabinet. The new government is scheduled to take the constitutional oath tomorrow in front of the Unknown Soldier Memorial in Nasr City.

Mr. Badr al-Din al-Jamali stated to Al-Nadim News Agency that he accepted the presidential assignment after the "Sisi-era hardship" intensified in Egypt and the condition of the country and its people reached a pitiful state comparable only to its wretched condition before his first ministry during the reign of the Fatimid Caliph Al-Mustansir Billah.

Al-Jamali said that his new ministry is the "Ministry of the Impossible," which he will transcend to achieve the miracle once again.

The new Prime Minister confirmed that he has been delegated the absolute powers of the President of the Republic across the entire country, and that his work axes will include: nationalizing all privatized companies and factories, recovering all lands and assets that were sold, returning the military to its barracks and its purely military role while transferring all its financial holdings to the state treasury, returning all its companies and assets to the public sector, and ceasing payment of any debts or their interest from now onward.

He added that all salaries and pensions will be raised, with their minimum set at no less than two gold pounds of pure 24-karat gold, and that the state will assist all the poor and needy to achieve a decent, humane standard of living.

Finally, al-Jamali exclaimed: "As for Ethiopia and Israel, that is a long story – we will have another meeting on that."

---

Introduction: When History Repeats as Farce

This text by Al-Nadim Al-Raqmi represents one of the most audacious and desperate satires in his project. It blends:

· Historical figures: The Fatimid Caliph Al-Mustansir Billah (11th century CE).

· Fictional satirical characters: "Badr al-Din al-Jamali" (a name evoking a real Fatimid savior, but here a fictional figure).

· Contemporary politics: Dismissal of Madbouly, the Ethiopian Renaissance Dam crisis, conflict with Israel.

· Impossible economics: Raising salaries to "two gold pounds," canceling debt, nationalizing everything.

The text presents an impossible government program that collects every suppressed popular dream into a single list:

· Nationalizing privatized companies.

· Recovering stolen lands.

· Ending the military's economic empire.

· Canceling national debt.

· Raising wages to gold standards.

· Helping the poor.

The satire lies not in these demands being wrong, but in them being impossible to achieve under the current system. They are a satirical expression of despair over reform—radical solutions have become science fiction.

---

Part One: Literary and Rhetorical Analysis – Returning to the Fatimid Era

1. "Badr al-Din al-Jamali"

This name refers to a real historical figure: Badr al-Din al-Jamali (died 1094), a prominent Armenian vizier who served the Fatimid Caliph Al-Mustansir Billah. He took office during the collapse of the Fatimid state and temporarily saved it.

Summoning this figure carries satirical weight:

· Temporal absurdity: An 11th-century figure reappears in the 21st century.

· Historical parallel: The Fatimid state suffered economic and political crises similar to today's Egypt.

· The awaited savior: The historical Badr al-Din saved the Fatimids; the satirical Badr al-Din comes with an impossible program.

2. "Sisi-Era Hardship" (Al-Shidda al-Sisawiyya)

This phrase is a satirical parody of historical terms like "Abbasid hardship" or "Fatimid hardship" used to describe periods of famine and repression. Applying it to the current era is a direct accusation that Egypt is experiencing a historical "hardship" period under Sisi.

3. "Fatimid Caliph Al-Mustansir Billah"

Al-Mustansir Billah (1029–1094) was a Fatimid caliph whose 60-year reign witnessed economic collapse and major political crises. Invoking him here is a satirical parallel: today's Egypt resembles Egypt during the Fatimid decline.

4. "The Ministry of the Impossible"

This satirical self-label acknowledges that the government program is unachievable. "The impossible" is what cannot be done. Calling the ministry by this name is an admission that the program is a fantasy. But the text says "the Ministry of the Impossible, which he will transcend to achieve the miracle once again" — meaning they will achieve the impossible, which is the logic of satirical miracles.

5. "Absolute Powers of the President of the Republic"

This is a satirical admission that the new prime minister will become a dictator. The irony: "absolute powers" are what the text criticizes, yet here they are presented as the solution.

6. "Nationalizing All Privatized Companies and Factories"

Privatization has been Egyptian economic policy since the 1990s. The satirical demands include:

· Recovering sold assets.

· Returning the military to its barracks (ending its economic role).

· Transferring all military funds to the state treasury – an impossible ambition under the current system.

7. "We Will Cease Payment of Any Debts or Their Interest"

This is explicit bankruptcy policy. Egypt owes about $160 billion. Declaring a halt to debt payments would be economic collapse, yet the text presents it as a heroic act.

8. "Two Gold Pounds of Pure 24-Karat Gold"

This is the most absurd demand in the text. A gold pound weighs 8 grams of 21-karat gold (not 24). "Two gold pounds" means about 16 grams of pure gold per employee monthly. At current prices (about $80/gram), that is $1,280 per month – a fantasy in Egypt. The satire: even if you wanted to raise wages, you could never reach this level.

9. "Ethiopia and Israel... That Is a Long Story"

The conclusion satirically postpones Egypt's two most critical foreign policy files. Instead of offering solutions, the new prime minister says "we will have another meeting." This is a satirical admission that these issues have no solution.

---

Part Two: Historical Analysis – The Fatimid Era as a Mirror

1. Parallels Between the Two Eras

The text suggests that today's Egypt is experiencing conditions similar to the late Fatimid period:

· Economic collapse.

· Famines and plagues.

· Weak caliphate, domination by viziers and soldiers.

· Currency collapse.

Invoking this parallel is a satirical accusation: the current regime is repeating the mistakes of the past.

2. Badr al-Din al-Jamali: The Legendary Savior

The historical Badr al-Din took office in 1073 at the height of collapse and succeeded in:

· Restoring security.

· Reforming administration.

· Halting currency devaluation.

The text satirizes the idea of the "awaited savior": we wish someone like Badr al-Din would come to rescue us, but when he comes, his program is impossible.

3. "Al-Mustansir Billah"

The caliph's name means "he who seeks victory from God." The text satirizes the idea that salvation will come from heaven when people need earthly solutions.

---

Part Three: Economic Analysis – The Fast-Collapse Program

1. Nationalizing Everything

The satirical demands include:

· Nationalizing privatized companies.

· Recovering sold lands.

· Transferring military funds to the state.

This is a return to socialism, but it is impossible because:

· Privatized companies have new owners.

· Land sold decades ago cannot be recovered.

· The military will not give up its wealth.

2. Canceling Debt

Egypt owes $160 billion. Canceling debt would mean:

· Immediate default.

· Rupture with the IMF and World Bank.

· Collapse of the pound.

The text satirizes the idea that magic solutions are possible.

3. Two Gold Pounds

This demand is economically the most absurd. If implemented, the state would have to print trillions of pounds to buy gold, causing hyperinflation. The satire: the popular demand (raising wages) is expressed in an impossible form.

---

Part Four: Political Analysis – Dictatorship as Solution

1. "Absolute Powers of the President"

The text admits the new prime minister will have absolute powers. This is a satirical admission that the current system is dictatorial, and the "solution" is another dictator.

2. Dismissal of Madbouly

Madbouly has been prime minister since 2018. His dismissal expresses popular frustration with him. But the irony is that the replacement is the fictional Badr al-Din al-Jamali.

3. "Sisi-Era Hardship"

This term turns Sisi's name into a historical adjective like "Abbasid hardship." It fixes the critique in collective memory.

4. Postponing Ethiopia and Israel

This is a satirical admission that these files have no solution. "That is a long story" means "we don't know what to do."

---

Part Five: The Text in Al-Nadim's Project – The Crisis Trilogy

This text completes a trilogy of national crisis satire:

Text Crisis Satirical Solution

Ministry of the Impossible Economic crisis Nationalization, debt cancellation, gold wages

Renaissance Dam Water crisis Postponed solution

Israel Political crisis Postponed solution

Each text offers an impossible solution to a real crisis, or indefinitely postpones the solution.

---

Part Six: Deep Symbolic Meanings

1. "Unknown Soldier Memorial" as Venue for Oath

Taking the oath at the Unknown Soldier Memorial (instead of the presidential palace or parliament) is symbolic satire:

· The Unknown Soldier symbolizes sacrifice.

· The new government swears before the dead, as if admitting it is a government of funerals.

2. "Badr al-Din al-Jamali" as Symbol of the Absent Savior

The name evokes a historical savior, but the current character is fictional. This symbolizes that the real savior does not exist.

3. "Ministry of the Impossible" as Symbol of Despair

The ministry's name reflects citizens' despair of any real reform. Radical solutions have become "impossible," as if achieving economic justice is a "miracle."

4. "Two Gold Pounds" as Symbol of Unattainable Justice

This demand symbolizes the dream of economic justice that seems distant. Gold represents real value, in contrast to the paper pound whose value has eroded.

---

Part Seven: Conclusion – The Impossible Dream Ministry

This text is one of Al-Nadim's most expressive of popular frustration. It presents a list of everything Egyptians dream of:

· Nationalizing looted wealth.

· Recovering land.

· Holding the military economically accountable.

· Canceling debt.

· Raising wages to dignified levels.

But it presents these as the "Ministry of the Impossible" – meaning these dreams are unachievable under the current system. The satire is not of the dreams themselves, but of their impossibility.

The deeper message: When the dream of economic justice becomes "impossible," and when the real savior is a fictional character from the Fatimid era, the current system has closed all doors to reform. The only hope left is a "miracle" – an admission that there is no real hope.

---

Satirical Conclusion

"The next morning, Badr al-Din al-Jamali stood before the Unknown Soldier Memorial. He took the oath. He began implementing his program: recovering land, nationalizing companies, seizing military funds. On the third day, he disappeared. No one knows where he went. Some say he returned to the Fatimid era. Others say he fled to Mars. In Shablanga, Hajj Abdel Shakour commented: 'That man was insane. But we loved him.'"

---

Key Terms for International Readers

Term Explanation

بدر الدين الجمالي Badr al-Din al-Jamali – Historical Fatimid vizier (d. 1094) who saved the state from collapse

الخليفة المستنصر بالله Caliph Al-Mustansir Billah (1029–1094) – Fatimid caliph whose reign saw economic decline

الشدة السيساوية "Sisi-era hardship" – Satirical parody of historical terms for periods of famine and repression

الجنيه الذهب Gold pound – Traditional gold coin weighing 8 grams of 21-karat gold

الجندى المجهول Unknown Soldier Memorial – Monument in Nasr City, Cairo

---

Suggested English Titles

1. "The Ministry of the Impossible: Sisi Appoints a Fatimid-Era Savior to Solve Egypt's Crises"

2. "Two Gold Pounds Minimum Wage: A Satirical Dream of Economic Justice"

3. "From Madbouly to al-Jamali: Egypt's Impossible Government Takes Office"

4. "Debt Cancellation, Military Funds, and Gold Salaries: The Satirical Program That Cannot Be"

5. "A Long Story: Ethiopia and Israel Postponed in Egypt's Impossible Revolution"

---

Comprehensive analysis prepared for international publication

All rights reserved to the original author

The Return of the Strongman from History: Satirizing the Fantasy of Instant Salvation

Introduction: When the Past Is Recruited to Fix the Present

This text operates through a bold and sophisticated satirical device:

the collapse of historical time into contemporary politics.

By appointing a medieval statesman to govern a modern الدولة، the narrative does not merely create absurdity—it exposes a persistent political longing:

the desire for a miraculous savior who can resolve systemic crises instantly.

Narrative Frame: A Familiar Political Shock

The text begins with a recognizable political scenario:

dismissal of a government

appointment of a new prime minister

oath-taking ceremony

sweeping reform agenda

The presence of Abdel Fattah el-Sisi and Mostafa Madbouly grounds the narrative in a realistic contemporary framework.

This realism is crucial—it prepares the reader for what appears to be a standard political development before introducing the satirical rupture.

The Central Satirical Device: Temporal Dislocation

The appointment of Badr al-Din al-Jamali, a historical figure from the Fatimid era, creates a striking temporal contradiction.

The reference to Al-Mustansir Billah reinforces this historical depth.

This device produces a layered effect:

Historical Reality

Satirical Function

Medieval crisis manager

Modern political savior

Fatimid governance

Contemporary statecraft

The satire suggests that:

when contemporary systems fail, political imagination retreats into history.

“The Government of the Impossible”

The phrase “government of the impossible” is one of the most revealing elements of the text.

It functions simultaneously as:

a declaration of ambition

an admission of crisis

a parody of political rhetoric

It reflects a broader phenomenon in modern politics:

the normalization of promises that exceed structural reality.

Radical Economic Promises as Satirical Amplification

The proposed policies include:

full nationalization of privatized assets

cancellation of all debt obligations

redistribution of military economic resources

dramatic salary increases tied to gold

These measures are not random exaggerations—they mimic real ideological extremes across political spectra.

The satire lies in their total simultaneity and immediacy, suggesting:

a political fantasy where complexity is erased in favor of decisive spectacle.

The Military Question

The call to return the military to its barracks is particularly significant.

In many political contexts, this demand represents:

a serious reform objective

a deeply contested structural issue

Here, however, it is presented as an immediate and absolute decision.

This simplification exposes a key tension:

the gap between political desire and institutional reality.

Gold-Based Salaries: The Myth of Economic Purity

The promise to set minimum wages in gold introduces an almost mythical economic framework.

It reflects a recurring populist tendency:

to invoke “pure” or “stable” value systems

as solutions to complex economic crises

The satire reveals the illusion embedded in such proposals:

that economic justice can be achieved through symbolic measures alone.

Total Power and Absolute Authority

The text grants the new leader:

full presidential powers

unrestricted authority

This mirrors a recurring political pattern:

the belief that concentration of power enables rapid reform.

The satire subtly questions this assumption by showing how easily absolute power produces absolute promises.

The Deferred Crisis: Ethiopia and Israel

The concluding statement—

“As for Ethiopia and Israel… that is a matter for another time”

—is one of the most powerful moments in the text.

After an avalanche of sweeping decisions, the most complex geopolitical issues are postponed.

This creates a sharp contrast:

What is addressed

What is postponed

Domestic transformation

External realities

The implication is clear:

grand internal narratives often avoid confronting external constraints.

Philosophical Insight: The Politics of Nostalgia

At its core, the text explores a deep political phenomenon:

nostalgia as a governance strategy.

When present systems fail to deliver stability or prosperity, political imagination often turns to:

historical figures

“golden ages”

simplified narratives of past نجاح

The satire dismantles this tendency by exposing its underlying contradiction:

the past cannot be transplanted into the present without distortion.

Conclusion

This text is not merely a parody of political leadership—it is a critique of:

the longing for miraculous solutions

the appeal of absolute authority

the illusion of historical repetition

It reveals a world where:

political crises generate not realistic solutions, but fantasies of total transformation.

Final Critical Statement

By resurrecting a medieval statesman to govern a modern nation, this satirical text exposes one of the most persistent illusions in politics: that when reality becomes unbearable, salvation can be imported from the past—instant, absolute, and unquestioned.